Chief Happiness Officer 世光 · SEESALT
Hi there. I’m Pampam.
I am SEESALT’s official mascot, a grey-and-white rabbit with one white stripe down my nose and a strong opinion about Timothy grass. I have lived in more college towns than most of our consultants, and I have never once been asked to write a report.
This page is mine. Everything else on the site is theirs.
On the record
What the founder will tell you about me, and what I would add.
He says I am the model for the 星河兔 sticker series and that I connect people with the SEESALT family. Both are true. He leaves out that the soil-sample analysis I supervise is mostly me sitting on the samples.
- Role
- Chief Happiness Officer, SEESALT (uncontested)
- Human
- Sky Xu, Cornell CALS — and whoever else is holding the carrots
- Home base
- Ithaca, New York, with Sky
- Also seen in
- Ann Arbor, New Haven, and a season in Washington, D.C.
- Working hours
- Dusk and dawn. Do not email me at noon.
- Salary
- None. Same as everyone else here, but I get hay.
The circuit
Four stations, one rabbit.
SEESALT’s people are spread across universities, and I go where the carrots are. Over a year I move between four places. The order changes; the hay does not.
- IthacaCornell. Home with Sky. Research gardens, a lab corner, a very long winter.
- Ann ArborMichigan. Wider carpets, better window ledges.
- New HavenYale. The founder’s desk, his chair, and the strip of sun beneath the window.
- Washington, D.C.One season in the capital. Nobody asked me about policy.
Photographs
Sixteen pictures, no filters, no posing.
Taken by the people I live with, mostly on phones, mostly at floor level. That is the correct altitude.
Photographs by the people Pampam lives with. She did not consent to any of them and has been compensated in Timothy grass.
Chief Detonation Prevention Officer 首席防爆官 · 咣当（Guangdang）
There is a cat on my page now.
He belongs to Harry, who has known the founder for nine years — since a high-school science prize at Tsinghua, economics and finance, southern division, where the two of them spent a weekend defending papers to a panel of adults. They have been arguing about incentives ever since. The cat has never defended anything, and won his negotiation in one message.
It came at half past one in the morning: a photograph, and a note saying put him up too. Nobody moved. He then let it be known that if he were left off the page he would pull the pin and take all of us with him. Eighteen combined years of studying how people commit to things, and the cat got there first.
So they gave him a title. He is now responsible for making sure nothing on this page goes off, which is the arrangement where the arsonist is handed the fire warden’s badge, and so far it is holding. He lives in Chapel Hill with two humans and an economics department. He does not circulate — one town, one household, one box. I have never met him and I have no plans to.
- Represented byHarry, at 01:29, unprompted
- Prior relationsNine years between the two humans, beginning at a judging table. The cat postdates the friendship and has never acknowledged this.
- ForecastingThe household has a nine-year record of predicting where the founder ends up. The cat has never been consulted and resents it.
- GroundsAn explicit threat to the structural integrity of this page
- MethodCredible commitment. Two economists in the household, and neither of them saw it coming.
- GrantedTwo photographs, two captions, one job title
- WithheldHay, a page of his own, any say in what is written here
- PublicationsNone. Has slept on two.
- StatusGuest. Permanent, but a guest.
Say hello first. The serious pages can wait.
If the rest of this site felt too precise to walk into, start here. Write to the founder, or fill in the form — I read everything for lettuce-related content before it reaches him.
播种光明，收获永恒
Nothing on this page has been peer-reviewed. That is the point of it.