Chief Happiness Officer 世光 · SEESALT

Hi there. I’m Pampam.

I am SEESALT’s official mascot, a grey-and-white rabbit with one white stripe down my nose and a strong opinion about Timothy grass. I have lived in more college towns than most of our consultants, and I have never once been asked to write a report.

This page is mine. Everything else on the site is theirs.

Pampam, a grey and white rabbit, looking straight at the camera

On the record

What the founder will tell you about me, and what I would add.

He says I am the model for the 星河兔 sticker series and that I connect people with the SEESALT family. Both are true. He leaves out that the soil-sample analysis I supervise is mostly me sitting on the samples.

Role
Chief Happiness Officer, SEESALT (uncontested)
Human
Sky Xu, Cornell CALS — and whoever else is holding the carrots
Home base
Ithaca, New York, with Sky
Also seen in
Ann Arbor, New Haven, and a season in Washington, D.C.
Working hours
Dusk and dawn. Do not email me at noon.
Salary
None. Same as everyone else here, but I get hay.

The circuit

Four stations, one rabbit.

SEESALT’s people are spread across universities, and I go where the carrots are. Over a year I move between four places. The order changes; the hay does not.

  1. IthacaCornell. Home with Sky. Research gardens, a lab corner, a very long winter.
  2. Ann ArborMichigan. Wider carpets, better window ledges.
  3. New HavenYale. The founder’s desk, his chair, and the strip of sun beneath the window.
  4. Washington, D.C.One season in the capital. Nobody asked me about policy.

Photographs

Sixteen pictures, no filters, no posing.

Taken by the people I live with, mostly on phones, mostly at floor level. That is the correct altitude.

Pampam facing the camera, front paws forward on a carpet
Pampam stretched out full length on the floor
Pampam held up in two hands, feet dangling
Pampam in profile on a carpet
Pampam close up, ears up
Pampam being held on a lap
Pampam in her pen with hay
Pampam lying flat, fully relaxed
Pampam tucked against a jacket, one eye on the camera
Pampam under a desk chair
Pampam seen from above
Pampam at the edge of her pen
Pampam looking out from her pen
Pampam inside a cardboard box
Pampam beside a bag of Orchard grass
Pampam facing the camera on a carpet

Photographs by the people Pampam lives with. She did not consent to any of them and has been compensated in Timothy grass.

The column 专栏 · 帕姆手记

Notes from the pen.

The photographs above are the archive. This is the column: dated, irregular, filed whenever a picture arrives over WeChat. The times come from the files themselves, which makes them the only part of this page nobody has embellished.

  1. Pampam close up beside the black wire bars of her pen, a clear plastic ramp in front of her
    Pampam sitting inside her wire pen at the top of a clear ramp, the door open

    Inspection of the premises.

    Wire walls, a clear ramp, a door someone left open. I approved the ramp, examined the bars from both sides, and made a note about the door. The note says: later.

  2. Pampam leaning out of her pen toward a peach held in a human hand

    On the peach.

    A peach was offered. “Offered” overstates it: the hand was still deciding when I decided for it. In this household, property rights are settled at the speed of the faster mouth.

  3. A pixel-art version of Pampam, grey and white with tall ears, standing upright

    QQ音乐 · listening companion

    I have been digitised.

    There is now a pixel version of me inside QQ Music, working as a listening companion. It has my ears, my stripe and my white front, and none of my opinions. It keeps whoever is listening company, needs no hay, and has never once been late.

    I am told this is what the future looks like. I consider it a junior colleague.

  4. Pampam inside her wire pen next to a half-eaten apple

    Breakfast.

    An apple, already half gone by the time anyone found the camera. That is the correct order of operations.

Filed irregularly. The next entry goes up when the next photograph arrives.

咣当(Guangdang), a grey cat, lying on his side inside a cardboard box with a small white toy under one paw
Chapel Hill, 01:29. The photograph that started it. The device under the paw has not been identified.
咣当(Guangdang) looking directly at the camera over the edge of a cardboard box
咣当, on the record. He did not send a third.

Chief Detonation Prevention Officer 首席防爆官 · 咣当（Guangdang）

There is a cat on my page now.

He belongs to Harry, who has known the founder for nine years — since a high-school science prize at Tsinghua, economics and finance, southern division, where the two of them spent a weekend defending papers to a panel of adults. They have been arguing about incentives ever since. The cat has never defended anything, and won his negotiation in one message.

It came at half past one in the morning: a photograph, and a note saying put him up too. Nobody moved. He then let it be known that if he were left off the page he would pull the pin and take all of us with him. Eighteen combined years of studying how people commit to things, and the cat got there first.

So they gave him a title. He is now responsible for making sure nothing on this page goes off, which is the arrangement where the arsonist is handed the fire warden’s badge, and so far it is holding. He lives in Chapel Hill with two humans and an economics department. He does not circulate — one town, one household, one box. I have never met him and I have no plans to.

  • Represented byHarry, at 01:29, unprompted
  • Prior relationsNine years between the two humans, beginning at a judging table. The cat postdates the friendship and has never acknowledged this.
  • ForecastingThe household has a nine-year record of predicting where the founder ends up. The cat has never been consulted and resents it.
  • GroundsAn explicit threat to the structural integrity of this page
  • MethodCredible commitment. Two economists in the household, and neither of them saw it coming.
  • GrantedTwo photographs, two captions, one job title
  • WithheldHay, a page of his own, any say in what is written here
  • PublicationsNone. Has slept on two.
  • StatusGuest. Permanent, but a guest.

Say hello first. The serious pages can wait.

If the rest of this site felt too precise to walk into, start here. Write to the founder, or fill in the form — I read everything for lettuce-related content before it reaches him.

Join SEESALT zhijun1933@gmail.com

播种光明，收获永恒

Nothing on this page has been peer-reviewed. That is the point of it.